Listen, I love Los Angeles, but it definitely has its own vague dialect—a hybrid of therapy, startups, Burning Man, wellness podcasts, and casting calls. Half the city is trying to sound emotionally evolved; the other half is trying to sound unavailable. The translation guide below should get you through your first six months without accidentally joining a cult—whether it’s mastermind, a breathwork collective, or something much more obscure.
1. “Collab/Collaborate”-> Please work for free.
2. “I match energy” → I’m going to mirror whatever effort is convenient for me and call it emotional intelligence.
3. “I value connection” → I want to sleep with you but not actually hang out.
4. “Manifesting” -> I’m confusing intention with logistics.
5. “I microdose ketamine” → I have a nose drug addiction and “microdose” makes it sound like wellness.
6. “Peptides really work” → I’m still exhausted, but I’ve spent enough money that I need to believe they’re working.
7. “Discretion” → I’m telling everyone in the community when you’re not around
8. “Vibes” → I wasn’t listening, tell me again.
9. “What’s your sign?” → I’m about to decide your entire personality for you and blame the stars.
10. “Digital nomad.” → The PR team for couch surfing deserves a raise.
11. “Unavailable”→Probably at Petit Ermitage.
12. “Toxic (Sometimes misused as “Trigger”)”→ therapy speak for “I don’t like _____.”
13. “Accountability” → I want something more from you, but I don’t actually know what.
There’s plenty more where this came from. Drop your favorite LA translations in the comments below, or shout out the ones you’ve heard!
Main photo by Drew Folgmann.
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